What’s wrong with me?

ImageAfter a certain age, it seems like our bodies become our enemies! It happens to the young also, when my son was in high school he had two operations on his left knee, and when he was in the fifth grade his appendix burst and, without the help of God, he would have died. Most of us are not born sick, but we do things that harm us in a way that will last forever. When I was eighteen, I had an eating disorder, I have never spoken of it publicly because it was embarrassing, but it happened and may be that you need to hear it. I did things that seemed innocuous; the end justified the means to me. Getting older I found I had developed a hiatal hernia, had to have root canals on my jaw teeth, ruined my metabolism, from going up to three weeks without taking any nourishment. Being young, it didn’t seem so bad, but wait till your older and here come the Advil, the dentist, Prevacid and Rolaids to get you through most days. Why didn’t I think I was good enough like I was? People would tell me I was pretty, but somehow I didn’t believe them, so I took measures to make myself pretty in my own eyes. Going through a time of being bullied when I was in grade school didn’t help my self-esteem, and was probably at the root of this crazy behavior. You have to be careful how you treat a child; they remember it and it does affect them for life. I saw an incident this evening that upset me to the point I was physically ill and wanted to throw up. I was in line at the grocery store when suddenly I heard a voice roar out so loud that everyone stopped dead still, at Wal-Mart that is a feat. It was a dad and when I looked, he was actually squared off to hit his son that was standing on the other side of his mother. I knew it was his son; he looked just like him, had on a matching camouflage hat. The boy backed down and, head down, walked on outside. The part that worried me was wondering what would happen when they got home. That boy will not forget being embarrassed in that store, all the startled looks of on-lookers. Sadly, he will probably become an abusive dad himself, what other example does he have? I read tonight that a teen had committed suicide and her bullies came to her funeral and laughed! I am afraid that every Christian principle in me would be forgotten as I lunged to choke a person that did that to my child. What we do to ourselves, trying to be better, more acceptable, and what we do to others is sometimes very sad. If we could see ourselves through the eyes of our Creator, I think we would see a beautiful creation. God has been so good to me, even though I treated this Temple badly; He loved me enough to help me, to give me two healthy children and strength to carry on. Romans 7:21-25 It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. Be kind to yourself, God gave us the gift of life, love yourself the way you are He does, be blessed!

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