eeny meeny miny mo

ImageIn grade school, if ever there were a team to be chosen, one person on each side would call a name until everyone had been picked. What you didn’t want was to be picked LAST! Since my dad was a minister and I was in a new school about every year, I never had any friends, unless I was lucky enough to have someone in my class that went to my dad’s church, and then if their parents liked my dad I might have a chance. But generally I was the last one chosen, just plain embarrassing! When I was in the 9th grade we had just moved to McMinnville, Tennessee so I was new and again doomed to be the last one chosen until one day when Coach had us play kick ball! I was a MASTER of the game! I could kick the ball out of the park, and everyone wanted me on their team! The next week Coach decided it was time to take it back into the gym and play basketball, a tragedy for me since my 5’2 frame couldn’t jump high enough to throw a ball into the basket, nor successfully guard anyone because they could just throw the ball over my head so I was back to being chosen last! We all want to be important to someone, we want to be the most important person in at least one person’s life, at least I did, guess I still do. When a husband leaves you for someone younger that is a swift kick in the old ego, but life has to go on. It is only when I have my prayer, or conversation time with God that I can feel 1st! Hey I know He loves us all the same but I reserve the right to consider myself special in those moments alone with Him. There have been times that I haven’t felt close enough to Him, maybe I felt a little jealous because I would see Him working through someone, feel their anointing, hear them give a wonderful sermon or read some wonderfully inspired speech or poetry they have written and at those times I would wonder if I could ever, ever earn being first, even with God. I have often read the story of Ruth and prayed that I would find my Boaz, but that is the flesh speaking out loud. You have children who need you for everything in their little world, then they grow up and have spouses of their own, and you WANT that for them, you want them to be happy, but then you are left, again. So what is the solution for this? Are you there? If you read the Psalms you find that David felt alone a lot, but he found consolation in his Lord way out in desert places caring for his sheep. I am not trying to sound pitiful here, just explaining something that I feel in my spirit that a lot of you experience, are there any honest people out there? The fact that my children are both married and one with two children I would be more lonely if my aged mother didn’t still need me to care for her now that my dad is gone. However, that doesn’t take the place of a one on one relationship. But there is good news for me and those of you who can identify with me on this and that is that I have found a friend that sticks closer than a brother, Proverbs 18:24, and He is always there for me in any crisis! I don’t have to call Him on the cell phone, or try to find Him by looking at my Find Friends GPS, all I have to do is call out His name. “You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am, I’ll come running to see you again. Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall, all you have to do is call and I’ll be there, yes I will, You’ve got a friend.”  There is a wonderful scripture that really gives me all the assurance that the wounded ego of a young girl, or middle aged wife ever needs: John 15:16 You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit-fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in My name. Now I am thinking that the most important thing I can do for Him since He has done me the great favor of choosing me is to bear fruit and to help where I can. If I am able to encourage one person or help someone find the Lord, if His love and compassion shines in my life everyday and if I represent Him in the best way possible, then I may start to show Him how proud I am that He chose me!

OK, OK I’m not that selfish, you too can be proud that He chose YOU, just like He did me!

One Reply to “eeny meeny miny mo”

  1. Thanks so much for your transparency and for saying out loud feelings similar to those I’ve had and still have, when I stop and face them. It’s hard feeling like you’re nobody’s #1. I’ve struggled with feeling second best all of my life.


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