What’s inside of me?

CIMG1149Last year in January we spent some considerable time in the hospital. First there was the ER visit after my mom had a bad fall and hit her head, then we had to have MRI and a CT scan, then the waiting, and waiting some more for the results, it seemed endless. I was a little afraid that she wouldn’t be able to go through with the MRI because she has always had a fear of closed places and it doesn’t get anymore closed than an MRI machine! Have you ever looked at an MRI of your head? I had a chance to see mine and it was gruesome. I was looking at a skull with a neck that is in trauma, according to the doctor, and he wanted to know what was my “level of pain”. I told him “I wouldn’t know anything was wrong if you weren’t showing it to me! I am not in any pain!” I looked at the negative of my own head and tried to see if I could see the inner turmoil and trauma that I have faced in my life, couldn’t see it; then I looked for times of joy and laughter, pictures of my children and past loves, none to be seen. No poems, scripture or novels, no special needs or wants; all I saw was gray matter, inside a bony structure, a little strange. Where is all of that stored? Is it in the heart? My heart showed no signs of anything but beating on a semi-regular basis, but beating it was. No scars from being broken, it wasn’t flat from having it pulled out of my chest and stomped flat, in times past, just a beating muscle carrying blood to all my body parts.

Psalm 139:13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit-by-bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day. Psalm 8 opens with Oh Lord My Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth! Looking at the inside of my body reminded me of an old song; “How about your heart, is it right with God, that’s the thing that counts today. Is it black by sin or is it pure with-in could you ask Christ in to stay. People often see you, as you are outside, Jesus really knows you for He sees inside.” That’s the line that came to me as I stood there trying to see “inside” myself, to know that He knows it all. Psalm 26:2 Examine me, GOD, from head to foot, order your battery of tests. Make sure I’m fit inside and out. Jeremiah17: 9 The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be.” There is a Creator that knows all your pain, mental distress, heart-break and heartaches, all the thoughts of your heart all the things that don’t show up on an MRI, and best of all, He can fix it without surgery! Ezekiel 11:9 I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart. 1Samuel 16:7 GOD judges’ persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; GOD looks into the heart.”

When I lay my head on my pillow tonight, I will know that God sees into me, and loves me just the way I am. Talk to God about giving you a spiritual MRI!

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