I think it is natural for us to want to discuss things with our friends. We bare our hearts and our deepest secrets, and then say four words “what do you think?” When you do that, you have just opened the floor, given permission to people outside of our problem to give their opinions and then we hear it from all angles, things you never even thought of, like assigning a motive for some action taken by your (mate, friend, boy or girl friend), motives that they may have never thought of, and when you react on that assumption you can get into a world of trouble!
Do you remember the old song “Walk a mile in my shoes”? This means that unless a person has gone through exactly the same thing you are going through there is no real way they can identify with it, and even if they have faced the same type problem, the people involved are going to have different personalities or points of view and there is no way that it can be exactly the same. All you get is more confused, because everyone seems so sure that their solution is the right one and suddenly you are turning in circles not knowing which end is up!
I wrote a note to a dear friend of mine who is facing a horrific problem. My words to him were “There’s no way to say “I know how you feel”, empty words, all empty. The only thing that actually counts is, “I’m praying for you”…if I actually am, and I am, nothing else will do. Sick to my stomach”.
When you tell someone you “know how they feel” remember unless you have walked in their shoes, that is not possible.
When you are in trouble or have a problem, don’t go to every one of your friends and ask that question, pick one person whom you know is a praying person, maybe someone outside of your immediate circle that will have no prejudice concerning the people involved. You also run the risk of being repeated over and over again, the more people you tell the more it gets told, even when you say “Please don’t tell”, remember that everyone has a “best friend” someone they trust completely, who in turn has a best friend and on it goes.
In crisis, the first step is to take your burden to the Lord and leave it there! Go to your Bible and look in the concordance to search for a key word that best describes how you feel and see what scriptures are listed, then look them up!
When we go through periods of deep distress it is wise, in fact it is biblical, not to surround ourselves with people, no matter how well meaning they might be. Solitude is essential.
Silence is necessary.
Words from others will, as I already said, distract.
Stay in the Lord’s presence and seek His mind during this painful time.
In the soul-searching of our lives, we are to stay quiet so we can hear Him say all that He wants to say to us in our hearts!
When I used to be able to go in and talk to my dad I had to turn down the TV or radio and make everyone get quiet because the background noise kept him from being able to hear, it is the background noises in our life that make God’s voice obscure, and so quiet that we think He is not speaking at all.
Sometimes He is telling us something that we don’t want to hear, but we need to be able to make that choice with a clear knowledge of what He is saying to us.
Psalm 5:11 Let all who take refuge in You be glad!
Get alone with the Lord and see what He has to say about your situation, write down what you are hearing and read it out loud to yourself, He knows what you are facing and He can help.