You’re gonna miss me

“You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.”

I am in the kitchen cooking and for today instead of the TV being on the Hallmark Channel, where I have been watching Christmas movies since Thanksgiving week, it is on TBS, the classic movie channel. I wasn’t paying much attention to what was playing but suddenly a phrase caught my attention and clutched at my heart. I turned around to see what was going on, it was a dad talking to his son about dying and he made that statement, “You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.”

The backstory on why that stopped me in the midst of pressuring chicken and cooking meat for tacos is this: One day, about three years ago I think, I went into my parents room to take some things and as usual I was in a hurry. My daddy said, “Haro, sit with us for a while and talk to me.” I stopped and looked at him leaning forward in his recliner looking up at me and said, “Daddy I would love to but I need to go back downstairs right now.” He smiled and looked up at me and said, “You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.”

I can’t tell you the times I have heard that phrase in my head and every time I have I do exactly what I am doing this minute as I write, I cry. I look back and try to remember what was so pressing that I couldn’t stop and sit for a few minutes when it seemed so important to him and for the life of me I don’t know what it was, it couldn’t have been that important.

There is nothing I can do to bring that moment back and change it, so why dwell on it or let it niggle at my mind? I think the importance of remembering things that we have done that we aren’t happy about is so that, knowing that we cannot change the past, realize that we can change our future.

We used to sing a song that said, “Yesterday’s gone and tomorrow never comes, what will you do my friend with your today?”

It’s not that one day, December 31, 2015 into January 1, 2016 makes any more difference than yesterday did to today, but it is a marker, a starting point, like day one after your birthday starts the beginning of a new year for you. There is no startling revelation, no bells or whistles but it is a new day, and a new year for real, a time for us to make some realizations about our lives and what it is that we want from it, what we want to give to it.

I am giving you the gift of taking something that I greatly regret and learning a lesson from it for yourself. Is there something that you greatly regret? You don’t think you can change yourself or make a difference? Philippians 4:13, “ I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me”.

Well it’s time to make a change so that today won’t be the yesterday you regret tomorrow.

Happy New Year to you, 2016

2 Replies to “You’re gonna miss me”

  1. Well, since you asked, yes yes there are regrets, but only one I’d like to share. I have shared in our heart shares on this forum a bit about the home i grew up in. My Father was a loving man who favored me , my sisters and i only discussed that this year when they came to Georgia to celebrate the 20 year anniversary of his homegoing on Valentine’s Day. So it was something I felt but was not acknowledged.

    My Mother for various reasons, didn’t like me. That could have been one as a matter of fact, she did chide him for saying I was their prettiest and guilted me one day for asking for a jump rope which he got me but she told me later hed had to walk because he used his bus money to buy me that jump rope. Well my Mother’s father was a pedophile who molested his daughters and some grandchildren. My mother SAID she forgave him but she stuffed the emotional damage and was an angry bitter legalistic person. When she would slap my face, I would think that if I ever had a kid, I wouldn’t do this to them.

    I didnt think I could get pregnant, but God wS simply protecting me…At 25 though, i did give birth to a daughter and in my desire to NOT be my Mother, I was permissive, neglectful and preoccupied with my life of addiction. My daughter recently told her 11 year old daughter, “Don’t EVEN try to play the parent game with me. I invented the parent game and one thing that I had going for me that you don’t, is a gullible Mother!” My own Mother just this year told me she heard Charles Stanley say that when you slap a child in the face, they experience psychological rejection. So she said she needed to say she was sorry and ask for my forgiveness. I joyfully let her know that I had forgiven her years ago. You see 33 years ago when my Mother sat in my living room to see my baby daughter the first time and said smugly that you should NEVER slap a child in the face, well that was as close as shed ever come to apologizing. She was acknowledging that she’d been wrong. Today my dear Mother and i are friends. I tell her quite often that what i want her to leave this world with is what she did right. As a matter of fact, when i can, i am changing my name legally to PegJean instead of Peggy Jean and will be taking her first name as my middle name, Jettie. Now who would have ever DREAMED I’d choose to become Jettie Junior. When I told her of my plan, she said, ” I will NEVER understand you,”but I could tell she was proud.

    You may think I’ve forgotten the point of my story, but I havent. I regret not being a better Mother myself. God has graced me with many younger women that i mentor and one thing i often say is that He knew how busy I’d be later in life so he only allowed me to have one.
    PegJean Jettie Evans

    Liked by 1 person

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