I feel like a person who is supposed to be on a diet only to be busted with a drip of chocolate fudge on their blouse and a smudge on their chin; or the person who has sworn to quit smoking that comes in smelling like smoke. This morning I was told of a situation that just made me so angry I could feel my ears burning, while I was in that mode, I remembered writing so many times about loving everyone, and forgiveness. That’s when I felt glad that I have never told you that I could be that altogether loving and wonderful person that I wrote about, I think only God can do that. He loved us when we were still steeped in sin and gave the life of His own dear Son to be a sacrifice for us. If you are ever going to have a testimony, you must first have a test, something that you have yourself overcome and gained a victory! God gave the Garden’s residents the chance to pass the test of truth, they failed, and look what it got us! If you read an article I wrote last week I mentioned the saying that originated in a chick flick, it was “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”. I’m sure it has merit on some level but there are times when that simply does not apply, that happened to me this past week.
I was right in the middle of preparing dinner, when the doorbell rang and in walked (uninvited) company. I had garlic bread on the verge of burning in the oven, two pans of meat (one with and one without sauce) on the stove and the beginnings of a salad on the bar. As the company came in, I was handed something they wanted me to take care of on the computer, the other person was talking to me about something to which I was supposed to be listening, the dog was barking, my phone rang and my granddaughter asked a question! I had answered her question, but she didn’t hear me and repeated the question, I snapped the answer back to her and the look on her face just stunned me, I never do that and she was in shock that I had done it to her! She took her food and went up to her room without saying anything else. When I finally got everything done and food served, I went looking for her and found her on her bed. I said “I came to apologize to you for snapping, I had no right to do that, nothing you did brought it on and no matter what else was happening, there was no excuse for it, I’m sorry.” She looked up at me and smiled “That’s OK Mammy, I understand, I love you.”
We are all made up from different things that have happened and sometimes it is more difficult to say, “I’m sorry” than anything else, but we are all different!
The fabric of our lives is woven from our collective experiences. When you make a garment you cut out pieces that just to see them lying on a table separately look like they have no relation to any other piece. You take two pieces and place them together inside out and sew. Eventually the garment is all put together and you can see where everything fit, perfectly. I once made a dress that had a diagonal cut from the right shoulder all the way to the hem and into this a ruffle was inserted. When it was on the cutting table I was scared I would never get it together properly, but it turned out so pretty and fit the model to a tee! When you start a cake you take all the ingredients that separately wouldn’t taste good but put altogether they make a yummy dessert. When we are born we have to learn how to do everything starting with walking and talking to every skill needed to be self-sustaining and eventually we grow into a functioning adult.
So now that I have “outed” my bad behavior, I again say that we have to do our best to love and forgive and to ask forgiveness from the one we may have wounded! I write to you about things I personally know about or have problems with and I’m not saying, “do as I say and not as I do”, just saying we are in this learning process together!