I am tired!

I am tired. When I wanted to start this year with a totally positive attitude I find myself feeling negative because of negative people.

Romans 7:15-20 “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. 

I am tired. I don’t want to hear your rants on politics any-more-ever-again. People went to the polls and voted for the people they wanted, last election you were happy and they weren’t, next time around maybe you’ll be happy again.

I am tired. My opinion is asked on many things, I have been through, I have experienced a lot, I am not a doctor but I nursed my parents for several years and yes one died while in his sound mind, his heart just got tired of beating for ninety-five years and quit. My mother had Alzheimer’s. I watched her go from a vibrant, life loving, husband worshipping and an adoring mother and grandmother to a dried-up-shell-of-a-woman and while I wouldn’t dare give you advice, I have been there and done that and know what works and what doesn’t work. I know that telling a person they have a broken mind, or trying to convince them of anything at all doesn’t work. I am not being negative, putting off bad vibes or giving unsolicited advice, I just know what I know.

I am tired. Tired of people blaming God for everything from in-grown toenails to bad marriages. People have problems, are sick, have tragedies in their life and none of it is God’s fault. Every problem I have ever had is because I have made stupid mistakes and made bad decisions. When I find myself deep in trouble I go to the God who created me and ask for help, He has always come through for me and for that I am grateful.

I am going to re-start this year today January 3, 2019 and I have made a decision that at least for this year (or as long as I remember this one and only resolution) to pass by anything negative. I can’t control anyone but myself and I choose to be happy.

It was said of me once, “Merry, room in her heart for everyone.” I hope that is still true.