and so, I encouraged myself

The day had been long, I felt tired but was preparing food for the next day when I realized that I was totally out of rice and even though it was eight-thirty at night I knew I would have to go to the grocery store. I got in the car and realized I was driving on fumes so I would also have to get fuel. I put on my sunglasses (don’t ask) and started the car. I pumped the fuel first and breathed in the cold night air and enjoyed the light scent of some distant wood-burning fireplace and then went over to the store. I knew what I wanted, I was quick and along with the rice I remembered I needed soy sauce and then grabbed a Coke Zero from the back of the little case that stands by the check-out, I found one that had ice in it. There was an older gentleman holding his folded money in wrinkled and feeble hands, the cashier told him she needed eighty-four cents more, he began to fumble through the money and cards and found a dollar and handed it to the cashier. I can’t see the keyboard for tears as I write this, but as I watched him my lips began to tremble and tears slid out from under my Ray Bans while I got my own debit card out to pay for my three items. I had watched this man take his little bag of groceries and slowly start to walk out of the store as my things were being rung up, I grabbed my bag and quickly got out from under the harsh lights of the grocery store and slid into the cold night air and got to my car.

Once I got in my seat and closed the door an unearthly sound began to issue from me, it was an out of body experience. I didn’t know if I was crying for the man, or because it reminded me of the many times I had seen my dad do the same thing, or because there are major things in my own family that need answers to prayer. As I drove the short distance to my home I continued to cry and my mind began to quote the scripture from Romans 8: 26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

I know that tears are a language that God understands, because I have written about it, I know that it is our faith that gets answers to prayer because I have given you many examples of how He comes through every time, I have sung the song He may not come when you want Him but He comes on time and believe it with my whole heart and I know that sometimes we are simply tested and while we are in hell we can say It Is Well, so this is the time that I go back and read all the encouraging words I have written to you and like the Psalmist King, David, 1 Samuel 30:6 And David was greatly distressed; for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God, I will encourage myself and know that as the woman, who while her son lay dead said, I repeat over and over again that, It Is Well. 

So I encouraged myself!