While reflecting on 2019 for a moment I was thinking of an old song…
“I can’t count the times, because of me your heart’s been broken and I have seen you hurt because of angry words I’ve spoken But somehow you always knew when I hurt you I never meant to, We keep rising above it all like the sun on wings of morning and the hurt can’t make us fall We keep rising above it all.”
Looking back over the past few months I wonder “is there something I need to make right?”
Sometimes my mouth runs off while my brain gets constipated, and I say things that “were better left unsaid“. Maybe we are all guilty of that one.
How have I disappointed myself? All the promises I made to me, getting in better shape, getting more organized, being prepared for things in advance instead of waiting till the last moment, getting more sleep, taking better care of me, as I do for others in my life. If I have disappointed me, what must God think of me?
I have let Him down in so many ways, my attitude gets in my way, hurts suffered are allowed to simmer and boil, knowing that if I indulge in the feeling I will be like the thirsting man who goes to the pond knowing it is poisoned, but taking big gulps of it to quench his thirst. In yielding to the temptation of drinking this bitter cup it is drinking the poison and expecting our enemies to die, it doesn’t happen, we only harm ourselves.
I can’t answer why you can’t make a certain person love you. Sometimes the bitterness is toward a parent, a sibling or a lover; you have to remember that people have a will of their own because God made us that way. That’s what got us into trouble in the first place. Eve had the free choice to eat of the fruit or leave it alone. I have often blamed Eve for her weakness thus causing us all a lot of trouble but alas, I find that I am Eve, partaking of things that I know will bring me down and expecting all to be well.
Brings us back around to judging others doesn’t it?
So, for this year, instead of making ourselves and God lofty promises, setting ourselves up for defeat which takes us down the fork in the road we need to stay away from, let’s be realistic.
Ask yourself, “What can I do to make things better for myself and those around me?”Before I can put new groceries in my refrigerator I have to clean all the old things out. It is the same with our soul and spirit. Look inward and then upward and say,
Psalm 139:23-24 Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—then guide me on the road to eternal life.
Happy New Year 2020!