sometimes you just need to feel the love

I woke up at 4 AM feeling sick and I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got up and made a pot of coffee and sat down in my recliner to wait for it to finish dripping. I kicked back to full recline and turned onto my left side, I was so cold I was shivering, and I was trying to tuck my hands under my face to warm them, even though there was a coverlet close by somehow, I couldn’t make myself reach out for it. 

I closed my eyes and I heard her say, “You’ve lost a little of your spark, haven’t you?” Without opening my eyes, I answered, “Yes, I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.” 

                                         I could see her so plainly. 

I reached out and took her hand pulling her towards me and asked her to lay on the recliner with me. She had on the little blue dress I saw her in last, the blue of her eyes was startling as she leaned towards me. 

I reached up and said, “Please hold me close like you did when I was a child” and I patted her shoulder indicated that I wanted to lay my head against it.

With that I started myself into the realization of the day smelling the aroma of the coffee and feeling hunger pangs, so I got up from my cozy little womb in the chair to start my day, thanking God for letting me have that little visit with her.

I am talking about my mother who left us Christmas Day 2014. 

She was not a demonstrative person in the physical sense, she demonstrated her love for us in making sure our bodies, clothes, the house in which we lived and the bed in which we slept were spotless clean, and by her fierce protection of us.

About a week before she died, I was standing by her bed straightening her covers, she reached out and took my hand, I looked at her and she very slowly and plainly spoke, one word at a time, emphatically and said, “I love you”, I answered “I love you too mother.” 

That happened after a long period of time when she would talk, but we couldn’t make out anything she was saying. It warmed my heart because I knew it was coming from her very soul.

God is to us what the nurturing love of a dear parent is to a frightened child, safety, comfort, and love, giving us the hope and courage to face life! 

Psalms 63:3 In your generous love I am really living at last! He never gets tired of loving us, never gets tired of us and holds us close, like a child. 

Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love—out of faithfulness I have drawn you close.” He takes care of and is not ashamed of us! 

Song of Solomon 2:4 He escorts me to the banquet hall; it’s obvious how much he loves me.

Tonight I will say the prayer mother said with me when she put me to bed at night and say, “Nite nite mother, I love you and tell daddy I love him too!”

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. ❤