Seeking approval a little? I am ashamed…

I was thinking this morning of all the favors I have done for people. I never expected to receive compensation, and that’s the truth…God knows… but I have gone above and beyond many, many times and suddenly it feels as if… well, I was wondering, did I do it because I really cared about what was happening, or was I looking for approval, a nod from a fellow human that I was doing good, that I was worth being a friend to, that what I did or said actually had merit… it must have merit since I am a wonderful and giving person, am I right? 

I remember waking up one day and deciding that I would make two fresh strawberry pies to take to two people that I loved and admired. I was always seeking their approval and it seemed that there were those around them that did receive kind words and appreciation and yet I, who labored behind the scenes and worked hard, never even got a nod or a thank you…it was just expected from me, after all I am such a wonderful and giving person…I made the pies and they were beautiful, took the pies to their homes, they lived next door to each other, and they were received with less than enthusiasm, one would have preferred it were something chocolate. 

So, while I was baking a loaf of bread for my family this morning, and they do appreciate it, I was having a little pity party going on and then I thought of Someone Who had sacrificed His whole life, His body, His kingdom and the comforts of heaven and majesty of a Throne … then I saw a news report on an active shooter situation in downtown Atlanta, a collage of thoughts raced through my mind…other senseless killings, innocent babes being jerked from a warm environment to death, elders being abused in nursing homes, homeless people sitting on the street hoping for a kind word or a few coins from a passerby. I thought of all the wars, of young men and women crying out from places of extreme danger, of Christians yielding to the knife of the one about to behead them and I felt like an utter fool…

Jesus died for us and we still do all of this???

Jesus gave it all, all to Him I owe… my nephew Nathan Watson, wrote a beautiful song that has given me an earworm all week…and the words I keep hearing from it are, “Worthy is the Lamb who was slain for our transgressions, Worthy is the Lamb who has overcome. Worthy is the Lamb who breaks the seals and make a Kingdom of all Nations…”  Wow…

Jesus had nothing to prove, He wasn’t seeking accolades or approval, He simply wanted to save a fool like me. I am ashamed. Forgive me Lord…