A “hole” by definition, is a hollowed place in something solid; a cavity or pit, an opening into or through something. Doughnuts have holes, and at one place you can even buy the hole! We agree that is a good thing. My “heart”, not the flesh organ but the inner working emotions, was once solid and vibrant. I gave it freely and without much thought to those that touched the emotional side of me. I wanted to help the helpless and reached out to those who were in need with my emotions, time and money. Taking the little girl who lived next door to me to a store to buy her clothes was a real thrill for me, seeing her out playing in the dirt wearing one of the new, beautiful little outfits made me cringe but still the sight of her excited face at getting the new treasures made me so happy! I never heard one word or a thank you from her mom. I didn’t do it for a thank you but it would have been nice to have it acknowledged. A little chip from the once solid piece of my heart hit the ground at my feet. I had a friend that was pressed for finances whose birthday was coming up so it seemed the perfect time to give a gift of money to pay a tuition that I had heard was due and that made me happy, but having it received with the person telling me that it was my way of not having to spend time with them just buying them off knocked out another great BIG chip. Falling in love to find that you have been deceived you hear more chunks being chipped to fall onto the dirt. Dating someone for two years to have them run off and marry someone else without telling me I was being dumped, just seeing them walk into a place arm in arm, hole nearly complete, being left for a younger woman, it was pretty much all done.
Why am I sharing these very personal vignettes with you? Because no matter what we think our motive is when we do any thing for someone like buying material things, or helping financially, is our way of seeking approval in the flesh. Would I have accepted you telling me that in my younger days? That would be a NO! As I have gotten older though I realize that it would have been the truth.
Giving your heart in love is not the same, but you do give it in hopes of receiving the other’s heart in return? Yes! The true loves of my life are my children. They were conceived and brought into this world without any choice of their own, flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. Even then, there are times that a child will forsake an aging parent, or a child is left in garbage dumps or on someone’s doorstep. We seek out and have illicit love affairs, take drugs, drink alcohol to excess, or over eat, all to try to fill the “hole” that something or someone has left there.
I recently watched an episode of a reality show about a woman who had weighed 716 pounds. All of the people in her group had experienced something horrible, had a loss of some kind in their youth or found that the only control they had in their life was what they ingested. They chose food as their addiction.
It made me think about my own self and why I think or do some things that I do. The Apostle Paul said: Romans 7:16-20 “What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.”
Bottom line, we all have an emptiness on some level so what is my solution? Instead of seeking a cure, fill that place with the Holy Spirit!